Past life songs (3): The calm before the storm.

I have noticed July is a weird month for me in regards to reincarnation. I have commented on this before, probably somewhere in this blog. Maybe this year the feeling is even stronger. Things are going great for me at the moment. Three months ago, right after my accident skating, I decided to start physical training six days a week, alternating yoga and fitness routines. My main objective was to fully recover my left knee and shoulder, but then I found I was absolutely loving it and I couldn’t stop. I have lost three kilograms in three months and I am feeling stronger. I also found some inspiring guys like Frank Medrano or Elena Malova who also follow a vegan diet and so I have started to focus even more in the positive things in life. In a way I feel like in my most recent past life during the Cold War, when I decided to leave drugs behind and work for the American Army (now I really hope I won’t die in some kind of crash). But at the same time... there is this uneasiness deep inside, a restlessness whose origin is not clear.

My life as an active reincarnationist is not fulfilling at all, that is no secret. As I have repeatedly said in several places, remembering past lives is a lonely path. The forum and various blogs I administer are running non-stop, growing each day. They keep me quite busy and that is fine, but I miss the old times, especially the old times when I first arrived to Military Past Lives and found my people. People who had gone through similar experiences to mine, people who at last could understand, who knew how to listen, people who could teach me lots of things. It is quite funny to hear certain forum users (trolls) say I am an egotistic person, when I am always searching for people who can teach me new things. I am no leader. I was a warship captain in one of my past lives and I still don’t know how I could do the job. Even when I created my forum, my thought always was: “I don’t want this to be my forum, it is a forum for its members”. Circumstances, such as my insatiable curiosity or my thirst for knowledge, have made me an expert in my field. The Spanish-speaking countries are full of reincarnation beginners who want answers, and yes, I am there to help and answer those questions. But I am not a guru, I am just a reincarnationist who wants to find other reincarnationists to talk in deep about past lives. Not the theory, not the superficial talk that is all around the internet, but those things that really matter to people who remember past lives: how to deal with them. I always like to go beyond, and you just can’t do this with beginners.

So, here I stand, feeling restless, feeling this inner turmoil that was already there when I started to remember past lives, perhaps because we wouldn’t move if there were no inner turmoil inside, something to drive you on in search of answers. But years go by, and after all I have come to know, this inner turmoil is still here, only I don’t know where it is going to take me now. I keep feeling this strong need to express myself, to put into words all those past life emotions left abandoned in some corner of my soul. But when it is time to write, I am blocked. I can ramble for hours, but the important words will remain unsaid.

I am weary. Weary of hearing always the same doubts, of having the same discussions with scientists who don’t even bother to talk to us, of being added against my will to stupid Facebook groups about the afterlife where only inaccurate and frivolous articles are posted. Weary of finding (sometimes) great accounts, but being unable to shout it out loud, due to the witness’s completely understandable fear of being ridiculed. Weary of having to keep it all inside, as if remembering past lives were a dirty secret that might get you institutionalized. Weary of a world where money is all that matters. And to avoid more weariness, while I wait for more memories to arrive, I spend my days doing things that make me feel good, like exercise... or listening to music.

One of those precious gifts of life came to me unexpectedly the other day, when I listened to a special radio broadcast in which my elder brother participated. It was about the progressive rock band Arena. I know almost all their discography, but this jewel had gone unnoticed until now: it is called “Sirens”. And quite eerily (as always happens with Arena), it perfectly describes my actual mood in relation to past lives. I think it sums it all quite well: from the first whispers of your intuition, calling you to start the journey, to the last moments when you are about to get smashed into the rocks and you wonder why you paid any heed to those voices. Of course, the storm in the middle is when you are dealing with the past life memories themselves, engulfed in those strong emotions, fearing you will get drowned. It even mentions the one I miss the most, the one I can’t stop calling but only rarely comes: my spiritual guide and soulmate, the real culprit of all this inner turmoil... or is he my siren... or, better said, my merman? His song is so tantalizing, and at the same time, so deadly. Right now I am just drifting on the sea, wondering where the tide will take me.

I love those moments when you just have discovered a song and you just can’t stop hearing it, but you still don’t know the melody and all the verses by heart, so it keeps surprising you and taking you higher and higher. It is pure magic. 

SIRENS 

Silently calling 

I hear myself speak 

My breath is in my hands 

I cry out your name

Silently calling 

I feel so at peace 

And the time to surrender 

is the time you will take a hold of me 

What did you do when you woke today 

What did you feel, were you sad or afraid 

Searching your thoughts 

for reasons or meanings 

and the choices you made 

Silently calling 

in a field of dreams

where memories fade 

They keep passing through 

this soulless maze 

What did you do when you woke today

What did you feel, were you sad or afraid

Searching your thoughts for hope or relief

Looking for safety in the falling leaves

Splinters of virtue

from splintering hearts

The door is always closed

as it was from the start

Masters of freedom

Masters of light

Will you ever let me go

Take away this second sight

What did you do when you woke today

What did you feel, were you sad or afraid

Searching your thoughts

for warnings and traps

Nothing in your life will be the same!

Hanging to the sail

Caught behind the storm

Wait for the waves to come

Know the fear

Hide behind your smile

Crying for mercy

Hanging to the mast

Caught behind the storm

Wait for the sea to foam

Climb... Climb... Climb up to me

Hanging to the sail

Far beyond the storm

Lightning across the sky

Catch the rope

Cling to hope

Watch as our lives flash by 

Hanging to the mast

Beyond the storm

Saltwater burning

Shield your face from whiplash sprays

Hold your breath and

Neptune will make his next move

Hanging to the rail

Caught within the storm

Watch for the jagged land

Follow a line

From another time

Washed up on stone and sand

Grab the mast

Caught within the storm

Reach for a helping hand

We could share this calm experience now

In shadows I can see light

I whisper your name

But it’s lost in the night

Watching reflections of my own solitude

Heartfelt indifference

towards actions and truths

in shadows I can see light

I whisper your name

in the night

Spare me from those sirens’ lies 

Spare me from this grand illusion 

Spare me from those weeping eyes 

and promises of absolution 

Shall I stand without defence

Now that death is all around me

Did you hope for my surrender

leaving me to die on the

bloodstained ground

It’s only a lifetime

where heroes need heroic deeds

It’s only a lifetime

where children dream of breaking free

Follow the cause

Follow the signs

Drawn by a song to our own demise

It’s only a lifetime

dragged across the rocks

by the sirens’ whisper!